LEAVING 2011

December 9th, 2011

This is the time of year when everything gets ramped up into full speed and it’s so easy to get caught in the frenzies.

The busy holidays, the flashes of celebrations, shopping, cooking and a year closing down…all these THINGS we do can quickly get out of hand, creating great big overwhelm.  Right?

Well, I invite you to take a deep breath before all the busyness happens and read my tips below about letting go of 2011.

The year for me was a head spinning ride. Many of you know that I was walking up a flight of stairs just 40 miles from Tokyo when the Japanese 8.9 earthquake struck back in March.

A week later, I was greeting military family members arriving from Japan on a base near my home in California.   When the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear reactor started looking dicey, everyone wanted out of Japan so military dependents were given an option to leave.  It was a bit surreal to have been on both the front end and the back end of one of the most powerful earthquakes recorded in history.  I was so, so happy to be home where things felt safe again.

Last month, my son, along with other young Marines, safely arrived home from Afghanistan. No words describe the moment when I hugged him that day except sheer GRATITUDE.

Perhaps you had moments like this when you felt grateful this year.   I invite you to capture these moments for yourself to complete 2011.    This is an opportunity to move forward into 2012 so that you can create more of what you want in an uncertain and unknown world.   People are slightly dizzy from thinking about the future yet to be created and lived. 

Now is the time to squeeze the best out of the dying year and get ready to journey into this next part of your life.

For me, I will to let go of the fear & uncertainty I held for seven long months in knowing my son was in danger. I’ll take with me into the New Year the courage and grace I used to survive his deployment.  What will you take with you into 2012?

 

 

These are things you can do right now to package up the best (and worst) of 2011 and send it on its way.

 

FEEL THE PLEASURE

  1. Identify your successes for 2011.   Yes, successes.  What did you do that you’re proud of?  Check out all areas in your life:  relationship, career, financial, home, creativity, health.

Can’t remember that far back?  Take out your calendar, journal, emails, notebooks and jumpstart your memory of the year; ask your family & friends what their successes were to help you recall your year.

MAKE LISTS

  1. Of people that you touched or helped
  2. Stuff you pulled off you’re proud of
  3. Accomplishments.

Take your time. Pour yourself a glass of wine, a cup of tea, light a candle.  Get it down on paper so you can see the wins.

What were your obstacles or challenges?

  1. How did you handle those challenges?
  2. What did you learn about yourself this year?

HAVE  COMPASSION

Take a look at those challenges, the things that you wish you had done or the decisions you feel were mistakes.  Kicking yourself because you didn’t achieve what you wanted?  Trying not to think about the past year because you want to avoid those feelings?

You probably know that these self-deprecating feelings will not help you move forward.  They will only keep you trapped in the past, thinking you’re not good enough.  The truth is you are good enough.  You’re actually much better than good enough.   Allow the negative thoughts to evaporate.  You don’t need them.

BE GRATEFUL

Smile right now as you think about the past year.  Appreciate that it was yours:  good or bad, you got to live it.   Say thank you for the experience.  Because even if the year sucked for you, you made it through.  You survived and most likely you learned something about yourself.

Time here for more candle lighting, a few moments of solitude to savor your year.

LET GO

Write it all down, the things that you don’t like.  Then burn it, tear it up, shred it, let the energy of all of it go.  Have a ceremony or ritual where you release all the energy that you have tied up in the year.

Decide on the parts you want to take with you into 2012.  The feelings, the courage, the stamina, the “I rock” attitude…keep them close by, they will serve you well again.

 

CELEBRATE

Now’s a good time to have your own little party & celebrate by lighting a candle, dancing, congratulating yourself, having a glass of champagne, or just sitting with nothing to do and being stoked about how stunning you are and were in 2011.

Throw a party and invite all your friends to celebrate their year and yours.   Light sparklers to celebrate.

GLIDE INTO 2012

This year gave you what you needed whether you wanted it or not.  Celebrate being alive.  Give thanks for this experience of life.

Now you are ready to have fun during the holidays and welcome in the New Year.  With everything all wrapped up, opened up, examined, savored, & celebrated, you’re ready to create something new for your life in 2012.

What will you let go of in 2011? And how will you let go?   I’d love to hear what that is.  Post your response here.

 

 

 

 

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A Grateful Heart

December 3rd, 2011

It’s been more than a month now.  Our Rob came back to us.  The younger brother who did his first deployment in Afghanistan.  I remember the moment after we had waited already for what seemed hours on the parade ground at the base, after seven months of steely determination to keep it together.  I heard Julia, his wife, say, “the bus broke down.”  What?  Are you kidding me?   Marines returning from Afghanistan after days & days of planes, buses, airport terminals… ridiculous hours of waiting and now they were just 10 miles away from us…the very last hour.  And the freaking bus broke down?  Was this a sick, twisted joke?  I thought my nerves were on their last legs and now this.  There is nothing like a last minute drama to gear up everything until you think you can’t take it anymore.

It took me a few moments to regroup, realize it was nothing, and then I could laugh.   The irony of it.  They had been traveling for days, we family members had been waiting months, and now the bus had gone as far as it could go… just a few miles away.

I took a deep breath and looked around me.  There was a menagerie of people…spouses dressed up in sexy short dresses with signs of  “Welcome home” or “Get a kiss here.”  All these beautiful women were excited and jittery.  There were parents who had flown in from all over the US.   Tiny babies and kids were amusing themselves with American flags.  There were Marines in their uniforms, waiting to welcome home their buddies, some who had just returned themselves from Afghanistan a day or so before on the first flights home.   The day was warm and the skies a clear blue.  Perfect weather for their arrival.

Then I saw the wounded Marines.  The ones with no legs or one leg.   The ones in wheel chairs.  I felt the pang in my heart, the I’m-seeing-the-thing-that-I-have-dreaded-might-happen-to-my-son right in front of my face, shaking me into the hard, cold reality of war.   I saw one Marine, a double amputee wearing a tee shirt which read “I had a blast in Afghanistan.”  Whew.  I didn’t know whether to bow to him that he could actually see the humor in his situation or cry.  I could see it, feel it, know that his life and his family’s had undoubtedly changed forever.

I wondered about all the Marines we did not see.  I knew in my heart there were many, many more.  How they must have been in hospital beds waiting yet for another surgery. And I knew that there were too many who would never make it home.   I especially wondered about their mothers & fathers and how the deployment had changed all their lives forever.

And I realized, a few hours later, when suddenly I saw my Rob, walking towards us, with the same gorgeous smile, that life for us was going to be okay.  I just knew.  And at that split second in time, I felt like  we were the luckiest family on the earth.   He got off that bus and he marched in with the others.  He was our same Rob, he came home to us.  And gratitude once again trumped every feeling.

Grateful Moments

 

 

 

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Detox Delight

October 2nd, 2011

Today I started a Seven Day Detox.

Uh, the reason?

To give my digestive system a rest and  have more energy.  I’m working with a group called The Raw Divas….and hundreds of people around the world are doing this same thing so it’s very supportive.

Yesterday I hit up the Farmer’s Market and in the above photo, you’ll see what I came home with, what I get to eat.

Today is water only….but just for 24 hours.  I get to eat fruit tonight at 6:00 pm.   So far I’ve not eaten for 19 hours.  5 more to go.   The rest of the week is fruit and veggies.  That’s it.  All raw.

How hard is it?

Hard.  Well actually, the biggest challenge is with my head.  Every 30 minutes I think I want to eat but then the feeling passes and I don’t seem to be hungry anymore.  But I’ve set aside the day to journal, relax, read, and later I’ll go for a walk.  I actually do feel great, lighter, quiet inside.  It’s a great day to do this.

I hate that I haven’t posted in awhile but I’m just on my last week of a 90 day rotation.

And then I’ll be in a transition.   Again.   And the best part is my son Rob will return soon from Afghanistan and no doubt this will be a transition time for he and my daughter-in-law, Julia, as well.

So this is a great time to detox, to declutter the body, to get still to “allow” ideas and opportunities  to come to me, and to just be.  To savor.

In case anyone reading this is interested, there’s a chance to “Detox” your physical space.  Read on……..

Join my friend, Andrea, and I next Saturday (Oct 8th) for a virtual decluttering retreat and get rid of some physical clutter.  Go HERE to sign up.  Just scroll down the page after reading my guest post about “Letting Go” for the details about the clutter retreat.

Wherever you are, I wish you happy autumn days.

 

 

 

 

 

And I’m doing a 7 day Detox.  The gorgeous fruits and vegies above are the things I get to eat while I’m detoxing.  Today, this first day is water only (just a simple 24 hours) but then tonight at 6:00 I get to eat again.

Why am I doing this?

Okay, so maybe it seems radical or crazy but I want to give my digestive system a rest and have more energy.  That’s for starters.

And this week is my last week of a 90 day  rotation so what a better time to do this than now.  And I’m coleading a Clutter retreat this upcoming Saturday, too.

 

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My son is in a war zone

July 25th, 2011

Sunday, July 24, 2011

 

My son is in a war zone.

Yesterday he called but I missed it.  I hadn’t heard his voice in almost 4 months and he called and I was in some silly store, had my phone turned off.  At first, when I heard the voice mail message, I was so happy to hear his voice.  He sounded just like my Rob, the one I know without the M16 rifle, the too short, almost bald Marine haircut.  It’s Rob, I thought, he sounds like he’s right here and then I realize that I had missed a chance to talk to him.

 

It’s not a big thing, I told myself.  He’ll call back… I argued with myself.   But he won’t call back because he’s in a flippin combat zone.   And then I got really pissed.  Angry.  Cursing myself for being at the store trying on clothes while my son tried to call.  Swearing…. why hadn’t I taken the phone off vibrate so that I could hear it?   I was shopping, for Pete’s sake.

 

The kind part of myself stepped in and said, “but how would you know he was going to call?  You can’t put your life on hold.”

 

“Shut up…. No one wants to hear that right now.”

 

I came home, saw the text from Julia.  “Did you get to talk to Rob?” the text said.   And I immediately, surprisingly burst into tears.  I felt cheated.  I heard myself say, “It’s just a phone call, Jo, what are you getting so crazy about?”  Even I was taken aback at how strong  my emotions were about this simple phone call.  This knee jerk appearance of tears always surprises me.

 

Because, because I have a son in a war zone.  And I just wanted to hear his voice, know that he is okay.  I just want him to be home.  I want him to be safe.

 

My son is in a war zone and this is the invisible cloak I wear everyday.  Even though I do not think about it every minute, it is with me all the time, always.

 

I can go back to my normal life, carry on again.  But this outburst, the tears, they remind me of what I am going through, what our family is going through, this having a son deployed.  It is unnatural to have someone you love in so much in danger.  Everyday.  For 7 months.  And unnatural that you don’t get to talk to them.  Or see them.

 

And then I remind myself of my friend whose son was murdered recently.  I am immediately sober.  Because I have faith that my son will come home soon.  I still hold onto the knowing that I will see him.  I have what my friend does not.   She does not have this hope.  This hope  I hold onto.

 

So then I replace the worry, the anger, the “poor me” attitude with gratitude.  Gratitude that he is alive.  And he will come back to us.

 

 

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Flash Mobbing

July 10th, 2011


Have you ever done something totally off the wall ridiculous?

Well, I did last night.  I participated in a flash mob.

Wikipedia:  A flash mob (or flashmob)[1] is a group of people who assemble suddenly in a public place, perform an unusual and sometimes seemingly pointless act for a brief time, then disperse, often for the purposes of entertainment and/or satire.

That I-double-dog-dare-you part of me went for it.  Uh hum.  She said…just do it, you’re up for it.   I tried to console myself when I realized that she was taking over.  “There probably won’t be anybody there you know,” I said to myself.  Right.

And so we started in the downtown square with a live high school band playing big band music.  Casually, about 7 of us (women, different ages) walked out into the center and started dancing.  The steps we learned the night before seemed easy enough.  I felt okay until I realized that on the turn, then I’d be in front.  But the Daring part said, “just get over it, Sister, cause you’re here.”


I thought I’d think about people thinking we were lunatics, but I was too busy dancing.

I thought I’d be frozen in self consciousness but instead I just let go.  I  had fun as if it was normal to just start dancing out in the middle of a public place.

It was hot and sweat was rolling down my back but I was proud, charged up when we finished and casually walked away like nothing had happened.  Bizarre.  And bold.

And then we went to 2 more places and danced our wildness again.

The wild part of me really got into it.  That part that longs not to censure myself.  Just a couple of weeks ago at my Wild Wise Woman retreat,  we talked about letting the wild part out.  And so I did.

Wasn’t it Eleanor Roosevelt who said….”Do one thing everyday that scares you.”

I dare you to do something wild today and then post it here.  Or just tell us something wild you’ve done.  I’m waiting.

If you’re in the Davis-Sacramento area, go to to Pamela Trokanski’s Dance Studio.  The  getting ready to Flash Mob is  free on Thursday nights.  And then when there’s a flash mob event, you just join in.   Pamela is awesome and her enthusiasm & high energy is contagious.  She’s a master at leading you to being free and letting go.

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Stayin Alive on the Fourth of July

July 4th, 2011

For Rob who spends this day in a very hot Afghanistan.

I wonder what Rob & the other Marines will be doing on this day when we celebrate our nation’s independence and freedom.   How many patrols will he be out on today?  Will he be in a humvee or on foot?  Just exactly how hot will it be?  I heard that it gets to be 120 there easy.    I think about these things as we go to the 100 degree mark here & my house is 87 degrees inside tonight even with A/C and I’m hot.  I imagine he would smile if he heard me complain, especially since I don’t have to strap on 25 pounds of gear to begin the day and think of air conditioning as some distant luxury.

I wonder how he feels about us celebrating the 4th with fireworks while everyday there I imagine he sees and hears deadly “fireworks” as a normal thing.   I imagine he doesn’t have time to think about much except stayin’ alive.

Remember that old John Travolta song?  Rob was always great at dancing to the Saturday Night Fever song “Staying Alive”, waving his hand across his body just like Travolta which was hysterical.  And now he’s “stayin alive”, watching out for IEDs and bad guys as he calls them.

I think he’d think it was cool if he knew I was participating in a Cross Fit class in the morning dedicated to him…all organized by his beautiful wife and his thoughtful sister-in-law.

I wonder what he’d say if he knew we’d be making our annual trek to the high school grounds at 6:00pm where families sit on blankets, play Frisbee, & we all watch skydivers jump out of  planes and land triumphantly right in front of us.  Thom and I will be in our folding chairs on the front row as usual, having a picnic of roasted eggplant, fresh cucumbers from my garden in a Greek salad, fresh peaches, and a glass of red wine.

We’ll watch the Taiko drummers, then hear the band play the national anthem and we’ll stand and put our hands over our hearts.    When the sun dies down, we’ll wait for the first cascade of bursting white lights & we’ll hear the loud blasts & see the spectacular firework display  from the comfort of our own blankets as it cools off and the the smoke will be everywhere afterwards in the starry night.

Rob doesn’t wonder about any of this  ’cause he’s just stayin’ alive.

I love you, Robbo.

 

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Summer Magic

June 23rd, 2011

Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass
on a summer day listening to the murmur of water,
or watching the clouds float across the sky,
is hardly a waste of time.
~ John Lubbock

Summer solstice.   Longest day of the year.  Shortest night.  I used to never pay much attention to this day but now I know that it is a time to give myself a break and totally enjoy the season of summer.

This is my favorite time of the year because it’s a time when it’s easy to see so much abundance everywhere.   The veggies are growing & flowers are delighting us with their beauty and color.

We feel lazy because it’s hot and if we trust our instincts as in the quote above, it’s a great idea to stop our busy lives to rest and feel lazy and do nothing but see and smell and hear what the earth is saying to us.  It is then when we can have the most simple of all moments.  To just be.

This morning I got to do my yoga outside.  Afterwards I watered my garden, cut off the dead blossoms, pulled up weeds, and had a conversation with a big fat blue jay.  He was sitting on my fence as if to say….”hey you, this is my garden, too.  I dare you to share it   with me”

and so I nodded to him and said I’d be happy to.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Top 10 things to do in Summer

  1. Grow something.  There is nothing quite like picking a blackeyed susan or a dahlia from your garden.  Or bringing in  zucchini, tomato, or parsley you grew yourself.
  2. Smell the scents all around…fresh cut grass, lavender, close your eyes and see what is there.
  3. Read your favorite book
  4. Gratitude journal.  Write all the things you have in your life now.
  5. Listen to your favorite music.  Get your feet moving, your hips, & dance by yourself.
  6. Learn something.  A new recipe?  A way to get rid of your clutter?  How the brain works.  Learn how to play the harmonica.
  7. Get rid of clutter.  Huge to lift your spirit and immediately  re-energize yourself.
  8. Go outside.  Sit in a hammock.
  9. Connect with someone you love and spend the afternoon with them doing nothing but just enjoying their company.10. 10. Have your own retreat.  Go away, set aside a day for yourself.

 

Savor  summertime.  That’s what I’m gonna do.  What about you?

 

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Memorial Day

May 30th, 2011

May 30, 2011

 

Today we honor the Veterans.  The people who have served our country, some who have given their lives to it.    I attended the Memorial Service in the Davis cemetery this morning.  They have it every year but this was my first time.  It was windy and cold, a strange occurrence for this time of year.  I noticed the red, white, & blue flags blowing violently in the wind and the smaller ones on the gravesites.  At times during the service I thought I heard thunder but it was only the wind speaking through the microphones.  The brass band played America the Beautiful while I found a seat.

The music from the Davis Madrigals and the Davis Children’s Choir was tender and touching, just right on this balmy, sunny day.

I was surprised to hear that the keynote speaker was a Gold Star father.  For those of you who don’t know, a Gold Star family member is any immediate family member of a person who dies in a combat zone while a member of the armed forces.

The speaker’s son was killed in Iraq in 2006.  We can all imagine the tragedy of his experience but what was hard to fathom was how he had been able to get up, talk about how much he loved his son to us on this solemn day.  Like most of us parents who have a child deployed, we try not to think about the possibility that we too, could suddenly become  a member of this group.  And here he was, five years later, having lost the most precious thing in his life,  showing us what true grace looks like.

Many thoughts ran through my head.  How my boys one day, too, will be veterans and we will honor them for their service.  How my uncle had served in World War II and I never really thanked him for his service.

It has been emotional day.  It is Andrew’s birthday tomorrow….28 years old and he is in a faraway land. 

 

And Rob, fighting a war which most people never think about.  It’s 110 degrees in Afghanistan now and they eat meals out of cans.  They find IEDs and caches of weapons.  That’s about all I know.

We got to see Rob’s  photo….when Julia talked to him on skype on Saturday.   I saw his gorgeous smile shine back at me but I could see how tired his eyes are.  Beautiful Julia took the photo with her phone.

So as I journey though this phase of 1/3 through a deployment, I allow myself to feel my feelings and then know that I will keep going.  Just like we all do.

I think about how many mothers, how many families have wandered through their days while warriors have go off to war.   I am not the first and unfortunately I am not the last.   But on this day I realize there are no words.  Only grace and gratitude.

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California

May 25th, 2011

One day at the coast.  Walking along the trail beside the Pacific.  Marin Headlands.

 

The skyline of San Francisco still takes my breath away.I know the Golden Gate is photographed bazillions of times but I like to have my own.

The peace that comes with just looking at the these ferns and the yarrow is surprising.

A fountain in Sausilito

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A WARRIOR MOM

May 17th, 2011

May 17, 2011

The phone rings.  It’s 3:30am and as I pick up the receiver, I am already thinking bad things.  What goes on in a person’s mind when they think they’re going to hear really horrible news in the middle of the night?    I cannot do this I thought.  It can’t be, NO, wait, I’m not ready.  And then I hear a recording, not a human voice, “Your credit card has been frozen, Press 1 if you want to unlock it.”  I slam down the phone and feel relief mix with confusion and then anger.  The pulse in my ears is loud.   I am shocked to feel how fast my heart is beating.

My son is in a war zone.  He is a Marine.  Marines go to dangerous places.  They say that the worst time is just before they leave on deployment.  The waiting and the anticipation is dreadful.  You say goodbye and wonder.  You try not to cry but you do.   Afghanistan.   Not for sissies or sissy families.

After getting back into bed, trying to settle down from the adrenal surge that ran through my body, I think how silly my worries.  If something really bad happened, the Marines would not call me, they would come to the front door in their dress blues.  But then they would not come in the middle of the night.  And they would call Julia, not me if he were injured.  They call the wives first if they are injured.  And then she would call me.

I tell myself it’s okay to go back to sleep.  He’s safe, you’re safe, your world did not dissolve in a moment.    And then I feel outrage that a phone can ring in the middle of the night.  My IED is the phone, the doorbell.   The phone should not ring in the dark of night for military families.

Unusual things occur before deployments happen.   I was working on a base in Japan and one day I was shopping in the Commissary and the Stars & Stripes newspaper caught my eye.  Normally I didn’t read it but that day, I thought, I’ll just take a look and see what’s up.   The cover story was about a Marine unit in Afghanistan.  Immediately I recognized it as the area where Rob was going to be based.   “It’s the most violent area in Afghanistan right now.  Twenty-four Marines killed in the last four months.”  I kept hearing a voice in my head that said, stop reading this, Jo, close the paper, put it back on the rack and walk away.  Now.

But I’m not able to stop myself from reading.  “The Taliban seem to know who the 1st lieutenants are and that’s who they’re going for first.   And because of the IEDs there have been multiple loss of limbs.”   Jo, you need to walk away, NOW.  The part of me that wanted to keep reading trumped the part that said STOP.  As I got to the end, I watched myself fold the paper, put it back on the rack and walk out of the commissary.   Who is this woman, this mother who is so detached and calm?   The observer part of me said “aren’t you even going to freak out now?”  Nope.  I’m going to go back to work.  I’m gonna keep going.  What else is there to do?

This is not my first deployment as a mom.   Andrew, my oldest son, deployed to Afghanistan in 2008.  It was hair-raising at times but we all survived.  I learned a lot about letting go of control during that 8 months.  One day I received a call that his humvee had been hit by an RPG, burned to a crisp and that my son escaped with three other Marines without injury.  Fear in those kinds of moments for a mother transforms into gratitude.   I felt gratitude in my deepest core.   I don’t know how but my son escaped without a scratch.   What I did not know until he was home, that after he got out of the humvee, the Taliban fired viciously at the four of them, and they were without cover, bullets whizzing by their heads.   Because of a very brave 21 year old Marine, my son is alive today.  Brady, the Marine in the turret, kept firing to give the Marines trapped by the humvee a chance, lost his leg that day in the fire fight.

That was 3 years ago.  And now my youngest is there.   In the most dangerous place anywhere you can find in the world.  Instead of fear, I drift back in my memory to the  beautiful day last August with the sea & waves crashing in the background, Rob and Julia, just married, jumping up into the air, supercharged with happiness on the best day of their lives.    We were all carefree that day.   We had the time of our lives.  We truly lived that day.

And this is what I am learning.  You must live full.   With abandon.  You must love the moments you have.  And you must be grateful.  You must let go of fear and control.  And know that life is so very fragile.

 

 

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